Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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