can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
