im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
