feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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