i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize