He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
