He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
