Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
