just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
