i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
