sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
