just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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