Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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