I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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