In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
