She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
