im drinking this country out of the recession.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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