I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
