I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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