I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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