new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
