Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
