i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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