Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize