I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
