neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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