Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
