Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my shit smells like andre
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
