Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
