$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
