Ketchup is God's man juice
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
