Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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