Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize