Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
