My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
