I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
