I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
