my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
