Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
