K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
