I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
