I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
