By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
