u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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