this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
