he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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