Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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