Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
