She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Less talking, more tequila
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
