I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
