My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
