You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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