1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
