I'm drive I can fine osifer
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
