He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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