I wish I could teleport
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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