Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
