If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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