My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
