I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
