another moral hangover. fuck.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
