that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
