do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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