just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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