SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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